For those of you interested in my writing, or writing in general, I’ve launched my writing blog called “The Story Nomad.” Swing by and check it out.
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Howdy Folks. First, Marooned update – I’ve color flatted the latest comic, and I will be coloring it over the weekend. Expect #292 to post on Monday.
Second, as you know I am working on a fantasy novel. In addition, I’m working on another, more lighthearted story that I had started a couple months ago as well. Frankly, I need to get some real writing experience under my belt before I really tackle such a huge project as the fantasy novel. So the goal is to get some experience (and have some fun) with this first story, with a working title of “Lantoro the Red.”
Previously I had posted the first version of this, which actually describes some events that take place later. Since then, I have worked out what the story is about, and I’ve written a rough first chapter that introduces two of my main characters. I don’t quite expect this story to be novel length. I’m thinking it’s something of a novella length. I guess we’ll see. Anyway, here’s a first go at chapter one. It needs a lot of work yet, but I would love to get some feedback.
Chapter One
Story Copyright 2011 Tom Dell’Aringa. All Rights Reserved.
The cantina was dark, smoky, and smelly. Dirty leaselanders of every type hunched over their rusty cups, drinking and cursing with – or at – each other. Lantoro stepped inside the dark, warm interior, his boots sticking to the muck on a floor that had probably never been cleaned. At a table to his left, two drunks were slapping each other in the face as hard as they could. Against the back wall on a rickety stage a mixed human-alien band jammed on post-apocalyptic punk, completely out of tune.
The place was perfect.
He was vaguely aware of at least a dozen pairs of (and a few single) eyes on him, not one of them friendly. A childlike shiver of excitement went up his spine. Now that his eyes had adjusted to the dimness, he coolly sidled up to the bar, ignoring the stares. This moment had been a running movie in his mind for over 30 years, and now it was finally happening. Tipping up his wide brimmed hat, he signaled the barkeep.
A dark man with a wide torso turned around. He was wearing what appeared to be a black leather apron (although it was so dirty, it could have been any color) and no shirt. His heavily muscled upper body seemed to be half implants of the bargain basement variety. Any skin that was still visible was covered in tattoos. The largest one said “Mother” but had been crossed out with a big red “x.” The barkeeper frowned and spit on the floor.
“Charming,” thought Lantoro.
“Whadday’ll have?” grumbled the barkeep.
“Listen, I’m new in these parts, and…”
“I could give two rats if you’re new, old or dead.” growled the bartender.
Well, this wasn’t exactly the way he had pictured it. The barkeep was all wrong. He told himself it didn’t matter, though. He would simply have to adapt. This wasn’t a daydream anymore, this was real. Nonplussed, Lantoro carried on. “I’m Lantoro the Red. I’ve heard this is a handy place to find some… ah… help… for a job I’ve got planned.”
The barkeep stared at him funny. “You gonna order a beer? You wanna talk, you gotta order a beer. I ain’t here to chit-chat.”
“Oh, well… of course I want a beer!” Lantoro exclaimed, perhaps a bit too loudly. A one-armed Lizaphent to his left frowned at him. “What do you have on tap?”
The barkeep gave him that funny look again, frowning. “Well Lantoro the Red (and he stressed the word “Red” and smiled in an unfriendly manner), we’ve got beer, or BEER. Take your pick.”
Lantoro sensed the barkeep’s impatience. “I’ll take a beer,” he answered quickly.
The barkeep produced a dirty mug from a dirtier shelf, pulled a beer from the tap, and slammed it on the bar.
“That’ll be 12,” growled the barkeep.
Lantoro paid for his drink, and quickly pushed on with his earlier line of questioning, not bothering to taste the unsavory looking fluid that had been placed before him. “As I was saying, I’m looking for some men to hire for a job.”
The barkeep slid the credit notes into a pocket in the front of his apron as he eyed Lantoro suspiciously. Lantoro was dressed in black boots with snakes emblazoned on them, rusty colored leather leggings, brown Ultrawick(™) shirt and an extremely wide brimmed brown cowboy hat. A black vest completed the outfit. A blaster was slung low on his left leg. It shined and sparkled when the lights from the band’s light show passed over it.
“You’re not wearing any red.”
“What?”
“You said you’re Lantoro the Red,” said the barkeep, stressing the red again. “I don’t see any red.”
“Yes, well,” said Lantoro, a bit flustered, looking down at his outfit, “it’s kind of a work in progress. But I’m sure you’re not interested in my outfit, nor how I came about my name. Now about the men?”
The barkeep spit again. “What kinda men?”
Lantoro smiled. Finally he was getting somewhere. “I need some – experienced – men, if you know what I mean. Men who can do a job and not ask questions,” he said in a lowered voice. “Men who can follow orders, handle a weapon, and ride hard. And the nastier, the better.” He said that last part with a bit of a wink, and puffed out his chest, nodding his head knowingly.
The barkeep chuckled and shook his head. “There must be sometin’ funny in the water today. Buddy, I think I got just the guy for you.”
****
Lantoro found himself sitting at a small table in the smokiest corner of the place. In front of him sat a thin, wiry fellow with black, short hair graying around the ears, a hawk nose, and beady brown eyes. He was all dressed in well worn khaki, sported a light tan where his arms were showing and wore what could only be an ancient black bowler hat on his head. Holsters crisscrossed his chest, each one sporting a worn blaster hanging under an armpit.
The strange part was that he was sitting with three lizaphents, each one sipping beer with their trunks, pointedly ignoring Lantoro. One of them was picking at a festering scale with one of his three claw-tipped fingers. It wasn’t improving the smell of the joint at all.
“Forget about them,” the wiry man was saying, “they do what I say, when I say it. They don’t speak English very well anyway. I’m the one you need to talk to. Thann’s the name.”
Lantoro shook a thin but strong hand. “Good to meet you. I’m Lantoro the Red. I understand you and your… men… here are capable of helping me out with a little job I have.”
Thann frowned. He looked Lantoro up and down briefly, then peered under the table and looked up again. “The ‘Red?’ I don’t see any red.”
Lantoro sighed. Why did people have to take things so literally? “Yes, I know. It’s a work in progress. Can we stick to the question at hand? I need some experienced help, and I was told you were the guy I needed to talk to. Have you and your gang raided much? Have you, you know, pillaged?” Lantoro’s eyes gleamed as he said “pillaged.”
“Yeah, I still can’t get over that,” muttered Thann.
“Pardon?” asked Lantoro. I was asking if you had raided much…”
“Who us? Oh yeah, buddy! You kiddin’ me?” said Thann, waving a hand in dismissal and sticking out his lower lip. Raiding… pillaging, shoot, that’s our business! And business is good, eh fellows!” He nudged one of the ‘phents, who made a sort of gutteral sound followed by a couple of pops, then returned to his drink.
Lantoro assumed that meant the creature was agreeing. “Well, that’s great. So how many raids would you say you’ve been on, then?”
Thann snorted in his beer. “How many?” he repeated. “Well, sheesh, Lantoro. Lemme see. Ah…, well it’s hard to remember them all, but let’s just say you could’t even count the number of raids we’ve been on.” He hooked a thumb into one of his holsters, and smiled a crooked smile. “But listen, Lantoro, we don’t just raid for nothing. I’m looking for a big score, if you know what I mean. My boys here, they’re natives, as you can well see. They know the land and its secrets. Therefore I know them secrets. We may not be a large band, but we can take on any job in the leaselands you’ve got. But it’s gotta be worth our while, see?”
“Of course! I’m a business man myself, so to speak.” Lantoro cleared his throat and smiled nervously. “And there’s a big payoff in it for all of us, if we do the job right.”
“I’m still listening,” said Thann, pushing away one of the lizaphent’s trunks that had wandered over to his pocket.
Lantoro continued. “Our target is a sleepy little settlement in the leaselands. They’re sitting on something that’s worth fifty times what they think it is, and they are completely ignorant of the fact. They’re being completely taken by the big export corps. They’re idiots, and their ripe for picking. Heck, if they were smart, they wouldn’t be leaselanders, right?” grinned Lantoro.
Thann chuckled and adjusted his bowler hat. “Right,” he agreed.
“Anyway,” continued Lantoro, “they have little or no defenses. We don’t need a big group to ride in and take what we want. So you and I and your… guys, here should do the trick. Less pieces of the pie, bigger slices, if you know what I mean.”
“I do indeed, I do indeed,” smiled Thann. “So you’re calling it equal portions between the five of us then?”
“Uh, well no, not exactly like that.”
Thann frowned.
“Look, I’m the one who has the information on where the score is, and more importantly, I’m the only guy who knows how to sell it to the right people. I’m the brains, and I’m the boss of the operation. You’re the brawn. So I’ll split the take 50-50 with you. You then pay your guys however you want. That’s the deal. But I’m telling ya, it’s easy pickings. It’ll be easier than taking candy from a baby.”
Thann was still frowning. “What’s the expected profit, then, from this little idea of yours?” he said as he began to take a drink of his beer.
Lantoro leaned in toward Thann. “North of 750k,” he whispered.
Thann choked on his beer, and half of it shot out of his left nostril. The lizaphents hooted and one of them slapped Thann on the back with his tail.
“You’re crazy!” choked Thann, wiping his nose. “That’s more than my… er, that’s more than most colony companies make in a year!”
“Keep your voice down! I told you, it’s a big score.” said Lantoro. “I figure after expenses, your take will be around 350k. But you play by my rules. You do what I say. Deal?”
Thann considered for a moment, his eyes still watering from having beer shoot out his nose. “You lay down 5k for me and my guys, and you got a deal. But you better be on the level. Because if you aren’t, my boys will make stew out you.”
Lantoro smiled. “Oh, it’s on the level. Don’t you worry. Meet me in the stables at daybreak, and I’ll have your 5k. We ride at first light.”
Lantoro got up and tipped his wide brimmed cap. Thann nodded, and began conversing with the ‘phents in their language, probably bringing them up to speed.
As Lantoro headed toward the door, the band in the back of the room entered the climax of their song which involved lots of crashing cymbals, heavy power chords, and layered synth tracks – still all woefully out of tune. He ignored the smirk and the funny looks he got from the barkeep and the cantina patrons. Soon he would pillaging! And soon, people would no longer wonder why he was called Lantoro the Red.
In the midst of all this Webcomic Idol craziness I’ve been really struggling with some of the writing of Marooned. I’m painfully aware that on the balance it has been a hit or miss thing on a strip-by-strip basis. I’ve had some good ones, but I’ve probably had more mediocre and even bad ones. (Pickle jokes come to mind.)
It’s not enough to just move the plot along, there needs to be some kind of payoff for you readers each time you come here, and that’s not always been the case. So at least know that I’m working on improving in that regard (hopefully tomorrow’s strip is a step in the right direction.)
But to help things along, I’m getting together (via telephonic technology) with my buddy Steve Ogden to have some story meetings. He’s going to talk me off the ledge of Marooned and help me make some sense out of this mess called Marooned. We’re also going to spend some time talking about his Moon Town project (check it out on his web site).
I was interested in Moon Town before I even met Steve, so that should be really fun. If you take a look, the character designs and story ideas are wonderful. As always, there’s never enough time to do all the projects we want. But I’m encouraged that he wants to kick the story around, because I know he wants to see it to fruition.
Also a little birdie told me that Croaker’s Gorge may start updating again soon. That would also be great.
But I do wonder what YOU FOLKS think of the story. I’m grateful people have stuck around through the ups and downs. I’d be really interested to hear your opinions, especially from those people who have never commented or don’t normally comment – I promise I won’t bite!
Do you want to write a good webcomic or are you having trouble writing your strip? Writing in and of itself is obviously a massive topic, but I think I can help you write a good webcomic by giving you 7 basic steps by which to live. Most any webcomic genre can benefit from these easy to follow guidelines. If you write a gag-a-day strip/panel or an editorial piece, then the first two steps may not apply as much, but the rest will. So let’s get down to business.
1. Come up with a cast of characters that can work off of each other
When starting a webcomic, it’s real tempting to dive in with the first character or idea that you have and begin drawing and writing. But hold on there speedy! If you want some longevity in your strip, you are going to want to think about how these characters interact. What you really want is a cast of characters that can play off each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
When I say “cast” I don’t mean you need a large number. Some of the most successful strips have had very few main characters. Calvin and Hobbes was really all about Calvin and his toy tiger, Hobbes. While there are other characters there, their job is to support the main characters.
In Marooned, the main characters are Captain John, Asimov the robot and Ugo the Martian. There are other characters in the strip, but they support what is going on with the big guys.
So think about who the main players are going to be in your strip, and then think about how they can interact to create interesting, funny or dramatic situations. If you have a hard time coming up with those situations then you need to do more thinking about who these characters are and what they mean to each other.
2. Sit down and write your “character bible”
Once you have a handle on your cast, you need to create what is known as a “character bible.” This is a living document that really only you will ever see. It’s a reference tool for you to help you remember what your character motivations are, what their conflicts are and some bits and pieces about who they are, where they’ve been and where they want to go.
There’s really no one way to build up a reference like this. For Marooned, I have a Google document that I use that is sectioned off by character. (And a “character” can be many things, for example the New Frontier Federation is a “character” in my strip). I have lots of information about who Captain John, Asimov and Ugo are along with pieces about who the lesser players are as well. There’s detail in there that lets me think about who these people are deep down. Stuff that will never see a strip, but that helps point me in the right direction.
Anything and everything is game for this reference. If you think it will help you, put it in there – remember it’s just for you. But there are two key items that should be in there about at least every main character: motivation and conflict. You really want to know what motivates your character and what conflicts they face in their life, because these things greatly shape how they will act. This is true in real life as well, just think about those things regarding yourself.
For Captain John, his motivations revolve around his insecurity and desire for praise and acceptance. His conflicts are both internal and external. He struggles with his hard outer shell which he uses as a protection against failure. He also is very conflicted about working with an AI robot. When you know these types of things you are better equipped to know how your character will act and more specifically, what they might even say in a given situation.
Keep this document living and evolving and it will constantly help you write.
3. Be thinking about your strip and always be ready to capture ideas
Hopefully you are doing a webcomic because you love the art form. Therefore you should be thinking about your strip at least a couple times a day (especially if you are keeping an on-time posting schedule!) Unfortunately, there are very few web cartoonists who do this for a living, so you need a way to capture ideas when they hit you – because if you don’t, you will forget them!
It’s easy enough to carry around a small notebook and a pen or pencil, even if you work outside or away from a desk you can keep it in your car, locker or whatever. The key is to have a place to write down something when inspiration strikes so you don’t lose it.
For me, once again I keep a Google document called “strip ideas” that I cut and paste into. Because I work at a desk I always have access to it. However, I also bring my sketchbook to work, so if I want to sketch it out I can do that too.
Don’t forget night time as well. I’ve had a few ideas in the middle of the night where I had to get up and set them down. It’s best to have something by your bed to record an idea because it’s real easy to fall asleep before you do – and then forget what it was!
4. “Sketch” out your dialog
This may seem odd since we are talking writing, but you have to remember that webcomics are a visual art form. Once I have my strip idea, I sit down and write out the dialog for each panel across the top of the page. Here’s what that looks like (along with some sketches):
The idea is to begin visually laying out the dialog. Your dialog is just as much a visual element of your strip as anything else. Words form shapes and word balloons and groups form shapes that subtlely affect the reader. Plus, you want to fit things in properly. Nearly every time I do this I immediately find some issue that needs changing or something I can add or take away. This is also a good idea to get a handle on if you have too much or too little text.
5. Examine every word
When you have your dialog sketched/written out, it’s time to examine your words. Words are everything! Words are wonderful! Don’t be content just to write “see Dick run” when you could write “Dick sprinted to Jane with gusto!” Cheesy example but you get the point. Think about how your characters talk, too. Do they have a fondness for a certain type of speech or certain words? Maybe your character just would not say that particular word, or you can think of a better word for them (this is where the character bible comes in handy).
Don’t be afraid to try new words or even – gasp – use a dictionary or thesaurus! While you don’t need to go overboard in this regard, simply going over your words and seeing how you can add some spice, humor, character or style to your dialog can really help polish your writing.
6. Cut the fat!
Once you are satisfied with the words, it’s time to prune them down. Seem counter-productive? It’s not. In the step previous you were looking for the right type of words. Now you are looking to pare the dialog down to its essence – the very center of the point for each sentence.
This is of primary importance in a comic strip, and especially those dealing with humor. Extra words, or wordy sentences (or heaven forbid run-on sentences!) make for tedious and murky reading for your reader. What you want is snappy, tight writing.
In one of my strips, Ugo is telling Captain John that hey have a place for them to stay. My sketched out dialog was this:
“We can set you and Asimov up in one of the empty dwellings.”
Ugh! That’s awful wordy and clunky. So I cut it to:
“We’ve prepared a dwelling place for you here.”
During the thumbnail sketching, I realized I could just have Ugo pointing to the house, so it finally became:
“We’ve prepared this dwelling for you.”
I was able to chop it down from 13 words to 6 and get my point across much more succinctly. Remember you aren’t writing prose, this isn’t a novel. The visual aspect of a webcomic is just as important (some would say more, some might say less) than the words. Regardless of how you feel about that, tight polished writing will flow better and read better for your readers.
There may be times when you want to say a lot – possibly a bit of exposition or a flashback. Even during those types of panels, you should strive to keep the paragraphs polished and tight. My wife is a writer and just finished a 120 page screenplay. She went over and over this script time and again to “cut the fat” out of each and every sentence. That’s a whole screenplay – we’re talking about one comic strip! So remember to “cut the fat” out of your words.
7. Proofread, proofread and proofread!
By this point, you have seen too much. Hand it over to someone who has not seen it yet and ask them to look for errors. Because if you don’t, you will post mistakes and you will feel like a dufus. If that person is someone you trust you could ask for suggestions at that point on the writing, but that is up to you. I am lucky in that my wife is a seasoned professional writer – and her nickname is “eagle eye” on top of it – so she catches my mistakes.
There have been times when I have forgotten to have her read a strip, and guess what? Yep, mistakes go up on the web site. You don’t need a professional to do this for you, just get at least one pair of eyes other than your own to take a look.
Follow these seven steps and writing your strip should become a joy instead of a chore, and that’s the idea right?
